GEORGE BUSH SCRIPTED by ED WOOD? WAS 2005 JUST ANOTHER BAD MOVIE?

Edward D. Wood, Jr. enlisted in the US Marine Corps and took part in combat in the Marshall Islands and Naumea. He was one of only 400 Americans to survive the invasion of Tarawa, where 3,600 Americans were killed. Mr. Wood had his front teeth knocked out in hand-to-hand combat with an enemy soldier at Tarawa, then served as a G-2 intelligence agent in the South Pacific until he was machine-gunned and one of his legs became gangrenous. After his leg healed, he served as a typist until he was honorably discharged and decorated with the Silver and Bronze Stars, two Purple Hearts, and a Sharpshooter's Medal. After his death from alcoholism, Wood became notorious-- and much beloved-- as one of the worst Hollywood writers of all time.

George W. Bush served as President of the United States in the year 2005. We here at Ormondroyd's Encyclopedia Esoterica believe that the puzzling words spoken by members of the Bush administration are clever references to scripts by the author of "Glen or Glenda", "Plan Nine from Outer Space", "Bride of the Monster" and "Jail Bait".

Guess whether the following quotations were spoken by President Bush in 2005, or written by Edward D. Wood Jr.:

1. “No one can really tell the story. Mistakes are made. But there is no mistaking the thoughts in a man's mind.”
2. “My mind is in a muddle. Like... thick fog. I can't make sense to myself sometimes.”
3. “There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled."
4. "It's totally wiped out. It's devastating, it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground."
5. "It's hard to find something when you don't know what you're looking for."

(1) Edward D. Wood, “Glen or Glenda”
(2) Edward D. Wood, “Glen or Glenda”
(3) George Bush, Feb. 4, 2005
(4) George Bush, Aug. 31, 2005
(5) Edward D. Wood, “Plan Nine from Outer Space”




6. "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."
7. “We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.”
8. “Visits? That would indicate visitors.”
9. I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome."
10. “Is it mad that you destroy other people to save yourselves? You have done this. Is it mad that one country must destroy another to save themselves? You have also done this.”

(6) George Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005
(7) Edward D. Wood, “Plan Nine from Outer Space”
(8) Edward D. Wood, “Plan Nine from Outer Space”
(9) George Bush, NBC Nightly News interview, Dec. 12, 2005
(10) Edward D. Wood, “Plan Nine from Outer Space”




11. “We did not come here as enemies.”
12. "You work three jobs? Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that."
13. "I mean, those were facts. Whether or not it had to happen is-- it didn't have to happen since a human being made the decision. Whether or not it needed to happen, I'm still convinced it needed to happen."
14. "Only the infinity of the depths of a man's mind can really tell the story."
15. "I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the mother in me."

(11) Edward D. Wood, Plan Nine from Outer Space"
(12) George Bush to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
(13) George Bush, Interview with Brian Williams, NBC News, Dec. 12, 2005
(14) Edward D. Wood, "Glen or Glenda"
(15) George Bush on Social Security, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005
BONUS ROUND: BUSH EMPLOYEES or ED WOOD?
16. “People... all going somewhere... all with their own thoughts... with their own ideas... with their own personalities.”
17. “Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns [sic]; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know.”
18. "I am not going to give you a number for it because it's not my business to do intelligent work."
19. “But one thing's sure. __________ is dead-- murdered, and somebody's responsible.”
20. "I am a fashion god… Anything specific I need to do or tweak? Do you know of anyone who dog-sits? … Can I quit now? Can I come home? … I'm trapped now, please rescue me."

(16) Edward D. Wood, “Glen or Glenda”
(17) Donald Rumsfeld, 2002
(18) Donald Rumsfeld, testifying before Congress about the number of Iraqui insurgents, Feb. 16, 2005
(19) Edward D. Wood, “Plan Nine from Outer Space”
(20) E-mails from Ex-FEMA Director Michael Brown, in the days after Hurricane Katrina

"We are giving you all the evidence- based only on the secret testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places... my friends, we cannot keep this a secret any longer! Let us punish the guilty, let us reward the innocent. My friend, you have seen this incident based on sworn testimony. CAN YOU PROVE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN???"

NEW ORLEANS UPDATE

Lewis called with news of a visit to his immediate and extended family in New Orleans and Mississippi. I am excessively fond of New Orleans history and music, and there are suspicions that I may be a lost child of his father's, so this is of some importance to me. Any errors in this casual account are mine.

Everyone in Lewis' immediate and extended family got out before the storm. Most are living northwest of the city or have scattered to six states. Cell phones were out after the storm, so they relayed messages through relatives in Texas and California until they knew everyone was safe.
***


The harder hit areas, in Mississippi and New Orleans proper where the levees broke, still look like miles and miles of war zone and devastation. Driving through the area, Lewis doesn't know how it's ever going to be rebuilt. He says the television reports of businesses reopening here or there don't even begin to show the scale of devastation and waste.
***
His parents' home, the House of Raging Armadillos, suffered more from wind than water. The wind was strong enough to pop the shingles loose from their adhesive. A favorite Southern Red Maple tree was killed. The water table in Louisiana is too high for a deep root system, and to Lewis' eye, any tree taller than ten or fifteen feet was pulled over or debranched.
***
Lewis saw lots of people living in FEMA trailers on their front lawns because their house is uninhabitable, the roof covered with blue plastic tarp. There’s a kind of stench to it all. The traffic signals are gone; they've borrowed stop signs from the residential neighborhoods and posted them on the main boulevards.
***
The Lovely Monica's house in Mandeville was okay, a couple of rafters broken by a fallen tree. Monica's husband Steve was at the house almost the next day with a portable generator. Their old house, near the waterfront in the historic district, was destroyed. Two years ago they moved a little bit further inland.
***
Sister Peggy and her husband in Slidell were building a house and living in a condo. The condo took two feet of water which wiped out their possessions. They were back the next day gutting everything and starting over.
***
A civil engineer friend made it back two days after the storm. Made his way down to the lower 9th ward to upscale homes in Lexington. Entire houses were lifted off their slabs and moved the buildings two or three lots down the road. Water was at least up to the doortops. Marsh grass had been transplanted to the roofs of buildings.
***
Lewis' Aunt Clara in Mississippi lost everything. Her family filled out every form required by FEMA and four months later, she not so much as a card from FEMA acknowledging receipt. She’s one of the Mississippi people, and Lewis suspects a class war in who gets assistance when.
***
His family members, thank the Lord, have mostly been able to help themselves, with middle to upper middle incomes, private cars, greater education, networks and resources. And minimal damage, except for Peggy and Aunt Clara. More to follow, perhaps with photos from Lewis and Peggy...

See Also: Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil, Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans?, The Imperfect Storm, Flaming Assholes If a Social Darwinist Dies, Should Any of Us Care?

If A Social Darwinist Dies, Should Any of Us Care?

Let's assume for just a moment that these Social Darwinists are correct, and it was the poor people's own damn fault they were caught when Ponchatrain broke through the levee that was neglected by their own local government.

Can you also defend the federal government's abandonment of the doctors and nurses who stayed at their posts? By the end of the week, medical personnel were giving one another IVs in order to stay hydrated. These professionals were just as abandoned as the "losers" in the stadiums. Their own fault for not getting out in time, right?

Let's blame the children in the stadium, too-- probably their fault for being born to lazy parents. And the old ladies, and the diabetics and the asthmatics.

I would respect your rather nasty attitude more if you would honesly come out as a worshiper of Odin or some other pagan god. Republicans, stop pretending that Christianity motivates your political beliefs in any fashion.

How sad that your entire political philosophy is an elaborate defense for your own meanness, your cruelty and small mindedness. It is only by the grace of God, inherited wealth, family connections and conservative blindness that your own coke addled, "reformed" alcoholic president isn't out there with his shirt off, whoopin' and lootin' with the rest of the "losers" along the Gulf. It could be your turn next week.

You sad assholes, New Orleans is a great city, and in spite of its horrendous flaws and your disapproval, it deserves to live and laugh again.

Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans?

"Spasm" band of street kids playing whatever came to hand around 1900. Before "jass" had a name, there were established groups like Stalebread Lacombe's "Razzy Dazzy Spasm Band". When a rival advertised himself with a similar name, Lacombe and compeers showed up with razors and bricks to threaten harm to the establishment. The impasse was solved by the rivals changing their name to "Razzy Dazzy JAZZY Band" -- "jass" being Old French argot for "to fuck" as in jazzere, jism, and the request heard in sporting houses, "Play something a little jassy, Professor", meaning to fuck around with the music, to syncopate the stately rhythms of popular tunes into something quite unheard. At least that's the story I heard. See also Stephen Longstreets's wonderful "Sporting House: New Orleans and the Jazz Story".

As reporters flip back through their notebooks, It becomes more and more evident that people knw this was coming, and that the loss of life in New Orleans, was caused in part by the inaction of the federal government. Links here, and here, and here. The Army Corps of Engineers has been trying to raise the levees, and had its budget for the projects slashed in half by the Bush administration. The 17th Street levee, where the first big break came, was 4 feet lower than the rest. A blue ribbon commission got a program called SELA going years ago, and that had its funding sent to the war in Iraq and the Bush tax cuts. How much evidence do you need? Only a village idiot would say something like "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." Oh, wait...


One New Year's Eve in New Orleans, little Louis Armstrong wanted to shoot off fireworks too, so he got the gun from under his mama's bed and fired it into the air. Sadly, that got him sent to the Jones Colored Waif's Home, but blessedly, it was this band that gave him his first trumpet. I heard that Armstrong is buried in New York because New Orleans let him down one last time, making him a celebrity at Mardi Gras but refusing to let him perform in public with his friend Jack Teagarden, a white trombonist. Regarding his final home in Queens, New York, he said, “I’m here with the Black people, the Puerto Rican people, the Italian people and Hebrew cats and there’s food in the Frigidaire. What else could I want?”