Wood Elves, Crackers, and Class Warfare

“Elf” is a generic term for faery-folk who appear human except for their pointed ears. “High Elves” are tall and
elegant and aristocratic. “Wood elves” are shorter, sometimes quaint fellows running through the woods wearing red
caps and pointed shoes.  
High elves have the same relationship to wood elves as modern humans have with the genus “Redneck”.  Jokes
about their haircuts, clothing and personal habits are similar in tone:

Q. What are a wood elf’s last words?
A. “Watch this!”

Q. How can you tell if a wood elf is a virgin?
A. She can run faster than her cousin.

Some helpful analogies:

Wood Elf
* pixie cut
* pointed cap and red shoes
* Aversion to cold iron
* Evolved from Nature Spirits

* billed cap and wife beater
* Sullen expression when speaking to teachers or policemen
* Didn’t pay attention during the Industrial Revolution

*Incest, self-destruction, attempts at meta-amphetamine production by persons who’ve never
studied chemistry = about the same.

These stereotypes are grossly unfair to Wood elves, and reflect the prejudices fostered by Tolkein and more recently, the special effects highjinks of Orlando Bloom. The High Elves of "LOTR" have penetrated the zeitgeist much more than Wendy and Richard Pini's portrait of Wood Elves in the "Elfquest" series.
The editors of Ormondroyd's do not subscribe to this calumny; if forced to choose up sides, it is the position of our editors that “High Elf culture” is itself a mockery of European aristocracy and its rigid class structure.
What must we do when the culture of our "social betters" is just as noxious as the habits of the "lower classes"? Both high and low wreak havoc, except that the aristocracy-- including that obnoxious dynasty from Ohio now inhabiting the White House-- is much better financed.
This is admittedly a bad tempered post.

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