Og, Son of Fire, on the Mating Game

Og man of Stone Age. Late Magdalenian. Og live alone in cave on Dordogne River, Southern France. Og cave painter, story teller, amateur shaman. Sleep in cave many years, emerge in modern world like marmot looking for spring. Modern world frightening but not as confusing as Og expected. Og's grandmere always say, "plus ca change, plus ca meme chose."

Magdalenian Period so called because many false tears shed over cruel universe. Mortality rate not so bad as London 18th century, but still...
Og solitary. Opt out of Marriage Magdalenian Style. When Og young and pretty, barely dodged being spoiled King-for-a-Year and then sacrificed for crops. Six-mile radius for marriage choices, except in trading season or when reindeer migrate. Surprised not more inbreeding.
Women pick man who bring home biggest gazelle. Make babies with Josh Hartnett, validate uterus, marry Beastie Boy, surprised when life ruined by morons. Og miss first draft pick but "back door man" for lots of women. Og resent.
Og find this artifact, late 20th century funny book. Describe mating rituals. Not much changed. Og go back in cave, sleep some more.


Anonymous said...

Ha! And that advice can go either way, baby! I recently sent the following to several young single women of my acquaintance:


--an item that proves that old priests and even dumb comics aren't wrong about everything, and that the eternal search has never been simple.


Wayne Allen Sallee said...

And what brought this up, Mike? The fact that I have started calling myself, Zontar, Warrior Stud?