Patricia Relf (Hanavan) sent this alternative by Will Durst for getting through the president's infomercial: A State of the Union Drinking Game. Pat reckons she'll be blotto by paragraph three:
"1. Whenever George W mentions the liberation of the freedom-loving Iraqi people, the last person to grab his throat in a choking motion has to drink four shots of beer.
"2. Whenever George W uses the words: "God," "America" or "jobs," drink a shot of beer.
"3. Whenever George W mispronounces the word "terrorism" the last person to knock on wood drinks two shots of beer."
Myself, I'm going to drink coffee and watch the Minnesota/Colorado hockey game. My first encounter with such things was the "X-Files" drinking game. You had to take a drink every time there was a flashlight scene, more than enough to make you recite Chaucer and start singing the Clancy Brothers. Then I'd start drinking because Gillian Anderson got married and had someone else's baby and to think that I used to run five miles past her high school every day when I was going to Aquinas College and living on Heritage Hill in Grand Rapids... Ah, well it's just as well we never met, as people who date actresses probably get what they deserve, and college guys dating goth high school girls is kind of creepy, and Dana Scully was just a character... well, you can see why the X-Files Drinking Game was not a good idea for someone of my temperment. I was in shape and still had all my hair, but it was Just Sad.
The Truth, as they say, Is Out There, and Mulder, Scully and Diogenes himself will have trouble finding it tonight. I want to listen to the State of the Union speech, I really do, but it has become such a contrivance (from both parties) that you'd find more sincerity watching the Essence Awards.
Here's a nifty picture by Jean Leon Gerome : Diogenes lighting his Truth seeking lantern, while faithful pups attend him at the tub he lived in after losing all his money.
UPDATE: Ana Marie Cox, the original Wonkette, is saving our shaky hold on sanity with a couple more drinking games and in vino veritas live coverage of the president's speech:
"9:18 PM “but some men rage and fight against freedom.” to them i say, welcome to the us department of justice. ...
"9:31 PM America respects Iran, except when we don’t. We expect someday to be the closest of friends, because we’d like to fuck you. ...
"9:34 PM “Based on the authority given to me by Congress and by statute.” Right. When is someone going to point out that the post 9/11 act is like the clown car of presidential authority? All these rights keep pouring out."