THE BIZARRO PRESIDENT

"Bizarro... what's happened to you? I can't believe you've really destroyed your homeworld!"
"Ha! That am only the beginning! Next, me realize that Superman never kill, so me kill lots of people! Them very grateful! Scream with happiness!"
-- from "Superman: Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?" by Alan Moore

It's a strange business, inhabiting an archetype, and George W. Bush has found his: he fully embodies the Bizarro Superman, that seriocomic villain who causes havoc by doing exactly the opposite of what Superman would do.

This apotheosis is so terrible to behold that the creator of Bizarro Superman, Alvin Schwartz himself, now recoils from his creation with the kind of loathing not seen since Victor Frankenstein's wedding night: "Last week, I wrote about my creation of Bizarro way back in 1958. This week, I find myself writing about another Bizarro, writing in anger and anguish over what has happened to my country. For it is now in the hands of Bizarro-Bush who has turned everything upside down..."

I'm hardly the first to make the connection (see below), but this may be the tipping point where the phrase "the Bizarro President" permanently replaces "President Bush" as our identifier for this person who causes so many wicked things while convinced he is an avatar of virtue. With his head full of half-truths and right-wing cliches, he lurches from crisis to crisis, and then bawls and pouts when his impulses blow up in his face.

The children of the world are his pet mice, and he is their Lenny, smashing them instead of petting them, angry and hurt when criticized, then baffled and sad when the children stop moving.

But never sad for long. Since he cannot be wrong, and his policies have failed, it must be the world that has failed him, not the other way around. The Bizarro President dusts off the wreckage, adjusts his suit with a comedic shrug, unfurrows his brow and finds his smile again.

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HELP SPREAD THE MEME! Forward this and other references to a "Bizarro" presidency:
"What a great United States Senator Rick Santorum is. (Applause.) He and Zell [Miller] serve in the Senate together. I'm proud to have Rick Santorum as my campaign manager for the state of Pennsylvania. I'm proud to have -- call him friend, and I know you're proud to call him Senator." (Applause.)
Bizarro Bush:
He's the exact opposite of what a president should be
"Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculated, for example, is on the table. Whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to that has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled."
"The use of federal dollars to destroy life is something I simply do not support."
Bush to Bring Troops Home, Resign on Bizarro Earth
"The Defense of Marriage Act declares that no state is required to accept another state's definition of marriage. If that act is overturned by activist courts, then marriages recognized in one city or state might have to be recognized as marriages everywhere else."
Bizarro Bush Apologizes
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
Under Bizarro Bush America has a failing economy, a huge budget deficit, high unemployment and is a country scorned around the world.
Bizarro Bush Movie
"I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.

I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!"