Why We're Losing the War on Terror: #370,001 In a Series

For those of you who missed early episodes in the series, here is a recap:

Reason # 1: Calling it a "war". If we had taken a law enforcement approach to hunting down Osama bin Laden, with military backup as needed, we would still have the support of civil societies around the world.

Reason #2: Caribbean piracy was virtually eliminated in the late 1600s when the competing countries of France, Spain, Britain and the Netherlands finally got sick of pestering each other and agreed to take away the pirates' safe harbors. Instead, the Bush administration has expanded the territories where terrorists might find eager recruits. The administration's short attention span in Afghanistan has given the Taliban time to catch its breath, instead of crushing the dictatorship with our heel.

Reasons # 4-560: the current White House Office staff (support personnel excluded).

Reasons # 561-569 Why We're Losing the War: The eight people on the White House Office staff who know what they're doing, but who are constantly undermined by the other 458.

Reasons # 570- 668: Everyone who works in the Office of the Vice President. It is the policy of the office of the Vice President to refuse employment to anyone who might tell the current Vice President something he doesn't like to hear.

Reasons # 669-857: At least 188 members of the current National Security Council staff.

Reasons # 858-860: The two members of the National Security Council staff who were kicked out of meetings because of their fancy talk about reading maps, learning a foreign language, studying local history and "trying to understand how the enemy thinks." Weirdoes.

Reasons # 861-350,000: Kerry voters in Ohio whose ballots were stolen after being forced to wait in line 12 hours or more by Ohio's Secretary of State.

Reason # 350,001: Kenneth Blackwell, Ohio Secretary of State and co-chair of President Bush's re-election committee. Not to be confused with Mr. Blackwell the fashion maven, but we'll take humor where we can get it.

(Personal note to Mr. Blackwell: As the country doctor said to the patient with gonorrhea, I hope that piece of ass was worth it-- because you're certainly going to regret it when someone you love comes home in a box, as a direct result of your diddling with the vote in Ohio. Sleep well tonight.)

Reasons # 350,002-370,000: The 2004 count in Florida that showed 20,000 more votes for Bush than there are registered Republicans in the state. Can it be, as Bart Simpson warned, that "the dead have risen from the grave and are voting Republican"?

Ormondroyd's Encyclopedia Esoterica, fearless in matters of the occult, interviewed all 20,000 of these zombies and determined that they had, in fact, voted for Harold Stassen.

Finally tonight, we offer Reason # 370,001 Why We Are Losing the War on Terror: the inability of the global culture to examine itself with any sustained effort. What is it about this international culture, that it produces dissidents of such vileness, they feel real joy in blowing up themselves and hundreds of innocent victims?

Instead of asking that question, the dominant culture demands that we spend all our time and money "hunting down the terrorists"-- a hopeless effort, if we never address conditions that encourage the terrorist to not just imagine, but act out his rage. You tell me that Islamic countries encourage extremism, and I agree absolutely. Why, then, do we help them exterminate their moderates, until we have a climate where only fanatics can grow? More pie, Bandir?

Should anyone wilfully misinterpret these questions as sympathy for the devil, ask them this: if you have rats in your backyard, and the rats carry disease, would you spend all your effort in shooting the rats-- or should you clean up the garbage that's attracting the rats?

If you're George W. Bush or the irascible Donald Rumsfeld, you blow up your neighbors' houses, then shoot at the rats as they run out, inadvertantly killing the neighbor's dogs and small children. When the neighbors complain, accuse them of ingratitude. Like Tom and Daisy Buchanan, "careless people, who smash things up and retreat into their wealth and let other people clean up their messes", leave the garbage for someone else. Pose for photos with the Saudi prince of rats. And act surprised when the older children want revenge for their dog and baby sister.

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THAT'S ALL for today; be sure to tune in for Episodes #370,002 to #99,005,385-- as we lay the dead at the doorstep of the 98,635,383 Americans who think two more years of the Bush administration couldn't possibly do any more harm.

(Figure obtained by calculating 33% out of a population of 298,895,101. There ain't no flies on me.)

SEE ALSO:
A Little Touch of Hotspur in the Night
A Thankless Task for Diogenes
Why They Voted for Hamas
The Mummers' Play