Bend Your Knees and Relax, Democracy

Wonkette is funny again, which might make its "liveblogging" the only sane choice for Primary updates tonight. CNN becomes more and more unwatchable as the "host" format wears on, and even their last shining glimmer of intelligence, Anderson Cooper, has been buried somewhere beneath panels of second rate pundits and canned segments, when he should be out in the hinterlands doing his investigative thing on these mother@#@Qcock$#@$###sonofa *&%##$#$ voting machines. Apparently his second hour is stunningly coming in behind the O'Reilly hate broadcast, and Fox I mean CNN is cutting back on Cooper's chance to become the peripatetic Murrow of our day. Because you know, our mission statement at CNN has nothing to do with a well-informed democracy, not since we started dressing like the cool kids at Fox. And remember what Paley told Bill Moyers back when he left for PBS? "I'm sorry, Bill. but the minute's just worth too much money now."

I've nothing to say about Fat Tuesday and "Super Tuesday" falling on the same day, other than to complain that wretched excess makes my gorge rise, and I'm not talking about the Mardi Gras. The drunken half of America will be showing their tits, and the sober half showing their asses like parading baboons, and who can say which spectacle will bring happiness to the greater number of people?

10:30 PM EST: The History Channel is showing a Megadisasters episode about the possibility of an alien virus causing a pandemic after riding in on a comet or returning spacecraft. This is way more entertaining than Mitt Romney's pep rally chants on the networks. PBS is an island of sanity with Jim Lehrer the Betazoid anchor (really have you ever seen his pupils?) NBC has reached the absolute low in expert opinion by hiring reknowned Arabist Karen Hughes. You don't just reach for the remote and change the channel when that happens, you scream "Dive! Dive!" and start punching buttons like a submarine crew. Back to the space bug pandemic, where there is at least some hope for a cure.

11:00 PM: Obama has nine states so far, even snatching Connecticut and Delaware out from under Clinton's nose. Clinton has Massacusetts, the only state that went for McGovern over Nixon in 1972, proving once again that they're Democrats that don't mind losing.

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