Edward D. Wood, Jr. enlisted in the US Marine Corps and took part in combat in the Marshall Islands and Naumea. He was one of only 400 Americans to survive the invasion of Tarawa, where 3,600 Americans were killed. Mr. Wood had his front teeth knocked out in hand-to-hand combat with an enemy soldier at Tarawa, then served as a G-2 intelligence agent in the South Pacific until he was machine-gunned and one of his legs became gangrenous. After his leg healed, he served as a typist until he was honorably discharged and decorated with the Silver and Bronze Stars, two Purple Hearts, and a Sharpshooter's Medal. After his death from alcoholism, Wood became notorious-- and much beloved-- as one of the worst Hollywood writers of all time.

George W. Bush served as President of the United States in the year 2005. We here at Ormondroyd's Encyclopedia Esoterica believe that the puzzling words spoken by members of the Bush administration are clever references to scripts by the author of "Glen or Glenda", "Plan Nine from Outer Space", "Bride of the Monster" and "Jail Bait".

Guess whether the following quotations were spoken by President Bush in 2005, or written by Edward D. Wood Jr.:

1. “No one can really tell the story. Mistakes are made. But there is no mistaking the thoughts in a man's mind.”
2. “My mind is in a muddle. Like... thick fog. I can't make sense to myself sometimes.”
3. “There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled."
4. "It's totally wiped out. It's devastating, it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground."
5. "It's hard to find something when you don't know what you're looking for."

(1) Edward D. Wood, “Glen or Glenda”
(2) Edward D. Wood, “Glen or Glenda”
(3) George Bush, Feb. 4, 2005
(4) George Bush, Aug. 31, 2005
(5) Edward D. Wood, “Plan Nine from Outer Space”

6. "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."
7. “We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.”
8. “Visits? That would indicate visitors.”
9. I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome."
10. “Is it mad that you destroy other people to save yourselves? You have done this. Is it mad that one country must destroy another to save themselves? You have also done this.”

(6) George Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005
(7) Edward D. Wood, “Plan Nine from Outer Space”
(8) Edward D. Wood, “Plan Nine from Outer Space”
(9) George Bush, NBC Nightly News interview, Dec. 12, 2005
(10) Edward D. Wood, “Plan Nine from Outer Space”

11. “We did not come here as enemies.”
12. "You work three jobs? Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that."
13. "I mean, those were facts. Whether or not it had to happen is-- it didn't have to happen since a human being made the decision. Whether or not it needed to happen, I'm still convinced it needed to happen."
14. "Only the infinity of the depths of a man's mind can really tell the story."
15. "I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the mother in me."

(11) Edward D. Wood, Plan Nine from Outer Space"
(12) George Bush to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
(13) George Bush, Interview with Brian Williams, NBC News, Dec. 12, 2005
(14) Edward D. Wood, "Glen or Glenda"
(15) George Bush on Social Security, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005
16. “People... all going somewhere... all with their own thoughts... with their own ideas... with their own personalities.”
17. “Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns [sic]; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know.”
18. "I am not going to give you a number for it because it's not my business to do intelligent work."
19. “But one thing's sure. __________ is dead-- murdered, and somebody's responsible.”
20. "I am a fashion god… Anything specific I need to do or tweak? Do you know of anyone who dog-sits? … Can I quit now? Can I come home? … I'm trapped now, please rescue me."

(16) Edward D. Wood, “Glen or Glenda”
(17) Donald Rumsfeld, 2002
(18) Donald Rumsfeld, testifying before Congress about the number of Iraqui insurgents, Feb. 16, 2005
(19) Edward D. Wood, “Plan Nine from Outer Space”
(20) E-mails from Ex-FEMA Director Michael Brown, in the days after Hurricane Katrina

"We are giving you all the evidence- based only on the secret testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places... my friends, we cannot keep this a secret any longer! Let us punish the guilty, let us reward the innocent. My friend, you have seen this incident based on sworn testimony. CAN YOU PROVE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN???"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Good call. I've seen those movies and some of those were still tricky.

Here's what I believe happened: A particular Bush droog, who is afraid of black cats as they are the Devil, offered to use his knowledge of the supernatural to help the Administration sound "less dumber" by getting a real, classic writer to help. After much debate, nobody could remember the name of the guy who wrote the Bible, so they turned elsewhere.

It seems, upon learning that Wood's opus, "Plan 9 From Outer Space," was produced by a church, that Bush and his cohorts decided that channeling his spirit via Ouija board to assist in their speeches was a far more Christian thing to do than channel Truman Capote, since they had noticed the back of the dust jacket for "Other Voices, Other Rooms."